The Designers Are Not Alright

On refusing the norm that is freelance pain.

Oct 01, 2024

Sometimes, all it takes to send you into a simultaneously up- and downward spiral about your career is a citywide heatwave and a glass of skin contact wine. That, and an email from a stranger who found your work through the announcement page of a portfolio award you managed to finagle a few months back.

A part of the email wrote:

"...you made me smile and I think your work is incredible. You seem like a very cool person, I’m a bit in awe and maybe a teeny bit jealous. 

I also feel a bit ‘kitchen-sink-esque’ and I like how you put it, it can be a strength / specialty rather than just what I thought I had which was a lack of direction. Thanks!

Currently at the crossroads of whether to go for it and start my freelance design business even though my imposter demon says I shouldn’t and I don’t have enough experience?? You been there??"

Have I “been there”? Baby, that’s my address! You’re on my lawn! Come inside!

Kidding to the side, I used to grimace at the thought of not having a specialty. I wanted so badly to give myself the validation of a label to present to the world that I dubbed myself anything: digital designer, video creator, art director. In hindsight, it was point-at-that-person laughable to call yourself something just because you felt like it. It reminds me of that one Reese Witherspoon scene from Friends where she called herself an interior decorator just because she redesigned her dad’s office.

And this isn’t to say that you can’t call yourself something just because you want to. Certainly you can. But to me personally, I knew that if I wanted to call myself something, I’d want myself to have the ability to back it up. Call myself a graphic designer? Here’s some graphic design. Call myself talent for a brand partnership? Here’s a few videos with captions that end in #ad.

I know what you’re thinking. Hold on a minute—but doesn’t that way of thinking only exacerbate one’s already rife imposter syndrome? The new wave of thinking is to be gentle with oneself when it comes to one’s pursuits and dreams. And you would be correct! One thing about me is I’m a proponent of doing whatever your mind and gut call you to, irrespective of hypothetical bad outcomes or irrelevant people’s reactions. But another thing about me is I know myself enough to know what works for me in the long run. And, dear reader, that is the (not chicken, unfortunately) nugget I am wanting to give you: If you feel called to do something, the only thing left to do is it.

Maybe that’s a little oversimplified of an encouragement. There is, after all, a lot of talk about the familiar, inherent pain of being a freelancer. And, at the risk of sounding out of touch, my response would be to reject it. If you’re reading this, you’re probably a freelancer like myself, or know one. We all know how it works: get a commission, finish commission, chase invoice for commission, finish commission, worry about when you’re next commission will come in, get said next commission, repeat.

Do you see what I’m saying? Written just above is the typical freelancer way of life. And it explicit says that, basically, when one commission finishes, another one always arrives shortly thereafter. But, as humans do, somewhere in there, we’ve been socialized to subscribe to distress, worry, and self-doubt, when none of them needed to be there.

It’s not always about how much money you’re raking in, or how much networking you’re doing, or how many people know about you. It takes a real, steadfast belief in yourself and your work to be in that arguably delusional place of knowing that the career, the projects, the clientele, the network, the life you want, you already have.

Here’s what I wrote back, if you’re curious:

I'm with you! I used to force myself to lean into just one thing, one direction, one specialty, etc., and it ultimately broke my brain because my brain isn't one-tracked, as I don't think anyone's is! I'm just getting started in my own creative journey myself and I felt it was a disservice to label myself as anything but simply a "graphic designer." Even labeling myself that, I was leery. But I think it works. We just like everything and want to do everything, and there's no shame in that!

I think you should GO FOR IT! You clearly feel called to do something, so why not listen to what your gut says? Don't let the fear of failure or looking silly or stupid or small get in the way of you living the life that you can't stop thinking about. If you've got the will to do it, then make a way to do it. If you succeed, great! If you fail, that's great too, because I think it's not always about the outcome but the things you learn about yourself and your work along the way. I know it sounds cliche but it's so true.

My imposter syndrome is always here LOL. I just try to silence him (it feels like a him) every time he tries to speak. Not all of our thoughts are fact. If you start thinking it's [freelancing] not a good idea, then stop thinking and just start DOING! That would be my advice. I think we'll all always have imposter demons, we just gotta know how to keep 'em outside the house!

👎🏽 THINGS THAT I HATE TO SEE COMING

Talking about graphic design with people who don’t get it
Cigarettes (put that shit down you are not French and you are not in a Lana Del Rey song interlude) (but if I know you personally, you’re allowed and completely valid in your ways)
“Personal Brands”, because what the hell is even that
Clients who think design doesn’t take care or thought, but merely pixel pushing and using the eyedropper tool to match colors

👍🏽 THINGS THAT HATE TO SEE ME COMING

When my friends post on Instagram and I get to smash that like and comment button
Asking for a fork at Asian restaurants because I have free will and chopsticks, while I’ve known how to use since childhood, get in the damn way
Putting hot honey on my burrito
Responding “does tomorrow EOD work?” to work emails/Slacks

⭐️ BRANDING I SAW AND LOVED RECENTLY

Would you believe me if I told you that this branding isn’t for a dispo like Kodak but for a Japanese petroleum company? This is what I mean when I say the Japanese just know design in a way the rest of the world doesn’t.

Client: Japan Energy Corporation

Designers: Saul Bass, Toshihiro Yamaguchi & Hiroyuki Kita

Year: 1993

🎰 JAMES JUNK JUKEBOX*

In The Meantime, Spacehog – Don’t you love when a song starts with the best part of it instead of leading up to it? This song does exactly that and it tickles my brain every time since I’ve rediscovered. (I’m sure you too have heard this one before!)
I’M HIS, HE’S MINE, Katy Perry feat. Doechii – To the entire world’s dismay, Katy Perry in fact ate with this song. I will not be streaming the rest of her album but rest assured this one is on loop.
Tuesday, Toro y Moi – I saw him live two Fridays ago at Hollywood Forever and while I do not know his entire discography, I do know this one song and it slaps.
Death Valley High, Orville Peck feat. Beck – Wait, who gave Orville Peck permission to release such a noteworthy album? This specific tune is on my top 5.
It’s ok I’m ok, Tate McRae – Consider me a proud McRaecist—bitch can make a hit! (AND hit a one-two step!)

*Now you can listen with ease! I’ve compiled these into a mixtape on Spotify. I’ll add as we go. 🔗 Here.

🧾 A RECENT NOTE ON MY NOTES APP WITH NO CONTEXT

30 prisoner squats
10 burpees
30 pop squats
50 mountain climbers
10 jump squats
30 commandos
20 cossack
30 plank jacks
10 jump knee tucks
20 push ups
50 high knees
10 monster burpees

x 3, < 30 minutes

Dated September 8, 2024 at 17:43

👔 LIFE UPDATE IN 300 WORDS OR LESS

Gosh, made it all the way down here, did you? Aren’t you tired of reading me yapping yet?

Just kidding.

Hmm. What’s new with me? Not a lot. My tire pressure light is on so I have to put air in there sometime this week. I’ve been running less on the trail and more on the road. LA River specifically. Sometimes the reservoir. Depends on if I’m going for distance or speed. I got my roots done again. I think I’ll be done with the blond after this. But we’ll see. I celebrated a friend’s birthday and don’t remember getting home and I think that’s perfect. What’s a night out if you remember it? I think I’ll start dabbling in sobriety though. Not in an al-anon way, but in a—hmm—ugh—I hate to use this word—but—a mindful, demure way? Also for some reason some people found out I like to drink raw eggs in a mug in the morning, and it’s been a point of contention in a lot of my dealings because they’ll either think it’s gross, or really gross. I was a bad boy and did some online shopping this week, and I can’t wait to get that heap of sweet, sweet dopamine when them brown boxes arrive. My friend wants to go to Donna’s this week, so that’s the plan.

What’s new with you? What are you gonna be for Halloween?