Creation Vacation
When creativity is out of office.
Good ideas are hard to find. And they’re even harder to keep. Much harder to execute. This might be an individual experience, or maybe a shared, universal one, but for the past little while it’s felt like my brain is on strike and my creative energy out of office. And I know I pop into your inbox every month and rue and monologue and croak about letting go and embracing chaos, and we’ve all danced this dance before, but please let me say this: that stuff gets scary.
Scary as in, when you’ve completely crossed through the threshold of self-belief and -trust that you can freely and fully say, “I’m not creative right now, and that’s okay, that doesn’t diminish me, my work, or my worth,” without a beat, you end up rising from bed one day and think, “Oh, fuck, I haven’t been creative this month at all. I might be fucked.” You ever feel that way? Fear’s got an icy grip.
When that day came for me, I was awash with what I could only categorize as creative guilt. Because I wasn’t creating—intentional or not—a voice in my head started berating me, saying things like, “You need to create! It’s been a minute. You’re gonna forget how to design if you spend your days doing things outside of being a designer. What are you doing shopping for a new stool? Get your fuckin’ ass up and design.” Trying to instill in me some belief that if I’m not designing, I’m not creating anything. But actually, that couldn’t be further from the truth; I was creating. Creating memories. Creating plots. Creating space. Creating time. All of which diametrically contribute to being a creative and doing creative things.
Another prong to creative guilt is that very familiar draconian feeling of looking at your compeers and watching them absolutely dominate the space. A la The Bear at the 2024 Emmys, these friends of mine are continually and consistently putting out brilliant work—hitting it every time, no misses. All on top of their other goings-on, like full-time jobs, content creation, traveling, and varied other sidelines. And here I stand, or rather descend, in what feels like a creative quicksand. Like an apparition, the voice reemerges, this time yapping in my ear: “If they can do all that and more, why can’t you? Your dedication is waning and your this-too-shall-pass attitude is gonna do you more harm than good in the long haul.” Brutal, not unlike the way Julianne Moore was snubbed for a Best Supporting Actress nom at the Oscars this year.
But hold the phone! There’s more—a third prong to this trident of creative guilt, one erected in between the two aforementioned, serving as some type of middle finger to creative guilt itself—the motivation that mounts up as a product of everything. At long last, it’ll click that it’s wild the lies our brains tell us, a cacophony of deceit that rivals Scandoval. Oh, really? Just ‘cause the guy next to me is killing it, it means I’m not and I won’t? Just because I’m not on my computer in pursuit of finding the perfect font, or trying to learn Blender for the nth time, or reading a book on layouts and compositions, that means I’m suddenly creatively barren?
Again, it’s crazy the lies our brains tell us. Doesn’t seeing it written down and reading it out loud prove further that it’s all a moldy mash of malarky?
The takeaway here, dear reader, is to stop believing everything your mind conjures. Thoughts aren’t facts. Know yourself well enough to pinpoint when to listen, and when to put your brain on DND. The same goes for creativity and productivity. Your friends are talented and so are you. Your craft will be there whenever you feel good returning to it. You’re the same person sitting in front of Figma or Photoshop or After Effects as you are sitting on your sofa watching Abby Lee Miller beef with Cathy of the Candy Apples Dance Center, or at Akbar dancing to bad music, or at Sticky Rice having the best Gai Yang you’ve ever had in your life, or all of the above.
I’ll kill the creative guilt in me before the creative guilt in me kills me. ‘Til then, I’ll keep on saying, “I’m not creative right now, and that’s okay, that doesn’t diminish me, my work, or my worth,” and letting the times roll.
🎴 JAMES’ JANUARY BINGO CARD
Deal with nightmare client who revised history and lied without shame just to get out of paying for services
Heater in apartment being an attention whore and refusing to heat up from time to time
See the world fully nosedive into the Stanley cup of it all, only for the cups to be filled with lead, rendering them unsafe and useless
Austin McBroom moving into Halle Bailey’s home amidst his divorce (I can’t believe I know this information)
Panic about where this year is gonna go and completely question my career choice and calling as a creative, because that’s just what you do
🕳️ DEEPFAKES I WOULD MAKE
My father hugging and validating me
My ex-friend apologizing to me
A client paying an overdue invoice
Parking enforcer looking at my unpaid parking spot and turning the other way
Joe Biden commissioning me to do the White House rebrand
🎰 JAMES JUNK JUKEBOX*
Overload by Sugababes – My friend played this for me one morning and I had something near to an astral projection episode. I hadn’t heard this song in so long that I forgot it existed.
Spice Up Your Life by Spice Girls – I recently dove deep into their discography and this one is a fave. Honorable mention: Viva Forever.
Nympho by DJ Assault – Great to run to, shake it off to, drive to, everything to.
Fried Rice by Royel Otis – I mean. It’s a called entitled “Fried Rice.” Press play.
*Now you can listen with ease! I’ve compiled these into a mixtape on Spotify. I’ll add as we go. 🔗 Here.
🧾 A RECENT NOTE ON MY NOTES APP WITH NO CONTEXT
“A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, con a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.”
— Robert A. Heinlein
Dated January 5, 2024 at 11:15
🪑 A RECENT POST YOU MAY HAVE MISSED
🎲 LIFE UPDATE IN 300 WORDS OR LESS
Unfortunately, I’ve become a worse person since you all last heard from me.
Just kidding. Half kidding. Worse is a strong word, and you’re already privy (see first segment of this installment) to why I feel that way. January has been long—longer than the first two weeks of lockdown, longer than the queue at 4100 Bar on a cruel Saturday night, longer than Robyn Dixon’s stint as a Real Housewife.
I fully expected January to be slow and a non-event, but expectations are nothing if not breeders of what’s not anticipated. Work deadlines came faster. Moving into a new neighborhood proved to be more fun than expected because I don’t feel like I belong anywhere else. Maybe they were onto something when they said your environment shapes you.
What else have I been up to? I feel like not having been designing as much gave way to a more “normal” manner of living. I’ve been going on more walks, spending more time on my phone (haha), and going on more dates (boooo).
This isn’t to say I never went for walks or scrolled on my phone or went on dates beforehand, but there is something to be said about the way we spend the time that we free up. It’s cute in a way, this little way—short-lived as it is—of life of mine filled with little outings. It’s cute! Fun! Isn’t that all every one of us needs on this stupid Earth?
Maybe when I talk to you next month, things will be different. Or maybe they’ll be the same. Either way, I intend to enjoy it.
🫗 CHAOS FUEL
🧹 Fonts
Tiempos Headline by Klim Type Foundry, Kiosk by Nguyen Gobber, PP Fuji by Pangram Pangram Foundry
🛝 Internet Things
Tola – The coldest invoice-maker I’ve ever encountered. If I weren’t married to Wave, I’d jump ship.
Letterform Archive – An endless well of my kind of design inspiration.
Traditional Shallow Heart Cocotte from Le Creuset – Just in case you wanna get me a Valentine’s Day gift.
🌐 IN THE ORBIT
Twitter / TikTok / Print Shop / OnlyFans / HomeFree / YouTube
Moldy mash of malarkey !